You know that feeling of butterflies in your stomach when you fall in love? When you see him and feel like melting? When you realise you have a stupid smile on your face while daydreaming? When your heartbeat is racing and feel like you’re suffocating? I know you know it. 🙂  At least once in your life you’ve felt it too and I know you remember that feeling perfectly. It’s so strong that if you focus a bit, you could relive it right now. Because yes, that feeling means excitement, happiness, joy, pride, passion and even fear. And no, it’s not destined only for the one who had already conquered your heart, the one that animates your dreams and is not letting you sleep peacefully, because peace is the last thing you have in your soul when you feel the ground beneath your feet running every time you see him. 🙂 You will feel it again, perhaps years after he made you his wife, after you may have been through a lot together, after fights and reconciliation nights, you will feel it again when you may have forgotten how strong it is. You will feel it again when you will give yourselves the best gift, you will feel it for your child.

[RO] Stii senzatia aia de fluturi in stomac cand te indragostesti? Cand il vezi si simti ca te topesti? Cand iti surprinzi un zambet tamp in timp ce visezi cu ochii deschisi? Cand o ia inima la trap de simti ca te sufoci?  Stiu ca o stii. Macar o data in viata ai simtit-o si stiu ca ti-o amintesti perfect. E atat de puternica incat daca te concentrezi putin, ai putea-o retrai chiar acum. Pentru ca da, senzatia aia inseamna deopotriva emotie, fericire, bucurie, mandrie, pasiune sau chiar si teama. Si nu, nu ii este destinata numai lui, celui ce ti-a cucerit deja inima, celui ce iti anima visele si nu te lasa sa adormi linistita, pentru ca numai liniste nu ai in suflet cand simti ca iti fuge pamantul de sub picioare de fiecare data cand il vezi. 🙂 Ai sa o simti din nou, poate la ani dupa ce el te-a facut sotie, dupa ce poate ati trecut prin multe impreuna, dupa certuri si nopti de impacare, ai sa o simti din nou cand poate ai si uitat cat de puternica este. Ai sa o simti din nou si cand va veti darui cel mai frumos cadou, ai sa o simti pentru copilul tau.

those special butterflies you get to feel theurbandiva blog parenting

Erica 1 month old

Of all the feelings I expected to have for my baby, butterflies in the stomach surprised me the most. I don’t think I had them when I saw her for the first time, dizzy from the anesthesia, not even when her mouth touched my skin for the first time, desperate to find the milk, not even when I was wondering amazed how did we managed to make such a small and beautiful human being, not even when days and nights became chained into something that resembled an endlessly crying, breastfeeding, changing diapers, walking, and rarely sleeping program. 🙂

I loved her then too, I drew my strength from her while she was exhausting me like no other, but I didn’t love her then like I do it now. Now I love her desperately, with that mother’s despair who knows that without her child life would be so empty, with the passion a creator feels for his creation. And now, after almost 4 years, she is sending me from excitement and happiness to extreme annoyance in exactly 10 seconds. 🙂 She knows no boundaries and she does exactly what she wants. Occasionally she remembers the limits we tried to impose.  Sometimes she is so adorable you just want to kiss her until you get tired, sometimes she is so annoying you want to… you fill in the blanks :). Sometimes she makes me incredibly proud that we made her and managed to raise her to become such a beautiful human being. Other times I feel like she is the one educating us, negotiating like a grownup, stopping us when she doesn’t like what we are saying to her, stubbornly making her presence felt no matter where we are. She rarely gives up and always with a compromise. Hers and yours. 🙂 Many times I don’t even know whether to get angry or laugh by the way she persistently defends her opinions and desires.

those special butterflies you get to feel theurbandiva blog parenting

Erica 1 year old

I look at her and I realize she’s not a baby anymore. And I know I will miss her being a baby. I watch her now and I have butterflies in my stomach…

[RO] Dintre toate sentimentele pe care ma asteptam sa le am pentru copilul meu, fluturii in stomac m-au surprins cel mai mult. Nici nu cred ca i-am avut cand am vazut-o pentru prima data, ametita de efectul anesteziei, nici atunci cand gurita ei mi-a atins pielea pentru prima data, disperata sa gaseasca lapticul, nici cand ma intrebam uimita cum am reusit noi doi sa facem un omulet atat de mic si de frumos, nici macar atunci cand zilele si noptile se inlantuiau in ceva ce semana cu un program nesfarsit de plansete, alaptat, schimbat, plimbat, si rareori dormit. 🙂 

O iubeam si atunci, din ea imi trageam puterea si tot ea ma epuiza pana la delir, dar nu am iubit-o la inceput la fel cum o iubesc acum. Acum o iubesc cu disperare, cu disperarea mamei care stie ca fara puiul ei viata ar fi goala, cu pasiunea creatorului pentru creatia lui. Si acum, dupa aproape 4 ani, ma trimite de la emotie si fericire la enervare suprema in fix 10 secunde. 🙂 Nu cunoaste limite, nu si le impune si face fix ce ii trece prin cap. Din cand in cand isi mai aduce aminte de limitele impuse de noi. Uneori e adorabila de nu mai poti de dragul ei, alteori iti vine sa… completati voi, eu ma abtin :). Uneori ma face incredibil de mandra ca noi am facut-o si crescut-o astfel incat sa fie un om frumos in interior. Alteori am senzatia ca ea ne educa pe noi, negociaza ca un om matur, te opreste cand nu te mai suporta si isi face simtita prezenta cu incapatanare. Cedeaza rar si intotdeauna o face cu un compromis. Al ei dar si al tau. 🙂 De multe ori nu stiu daca sa ma enervez sau sa rad de indarjirea cu care isi apara parerile si dorintele. 🙂 Ma uit la ea si imi dau seama ca nu mai e un bebelus. Si stiu ca imi va fi dor sa fie bebelus. Ma uit la ea acum si am fluturi in stomac… 

those special butterflies you get to feel theurbandiva blog parenting

Photos: Sebastian Bacioiu, inlowlight

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