When your child is sick and you stand by his side powerless, that’s when being a mom becomes  hard. When you know you’ve given her the right treatment and there’s no positive effect, that’s when being a mom becomes even harder. When your kid can’t stand on its feet and refuses to eat because she is afraid to throw up again, being a mom becomes incredibly hard.

[RO] Numai mama sa nu fii cand copilul iti este bolnav si tu il privesti neputincioasa. Numai mama sa nu fii cand stii ca i-ai dat tratamentul de care avea nevoie si vezi ca nu are efect. Numai mama sa nu fii cand copilul tau abia poate sta pe picioare si refuza sa manance pentru ca ii este frica sa nu verse din nou. 

I spent the last 5 days in my home because my daughter is sick again. I’m pretty sure it’s the damn enterocolitis again, the umpteenth time in her 4 years of life. I don’t have a confirmation from the doctor, but considering my unwanted experience with it , I’m pretty sure that’s it. The treatment was the same every time, so this time I knew from the beginning what to give to her and I waited, confident that she will get better soon.

It started with low fever, diarrhea and stomachache, so I wasn’t very stressed about it. I knew what to do and it did’t really looked that bad. The fever stopped in about 24 hours and the diarrhea episodes were pretty rare. However, yesterday she began to throw up and her condition began to deteriorate fast.

She spent the whole day lying down on the couch like a soft doll. She didn’t eat anything until the evening when she managed to eat some simple salted crackers. We were so glad she could eat because that meant she was feeling better. Erica is not the kind of kid to have problems with eating. She’s a skinny girl with a lot of energy and she eats very well. It didn’t took long and she threw up everything she had eaten. Twice.

[RO] Ultimele 5 zile le-am petrecut in casa, ceea ce in alte circumstante nu ar fi fost neaparat rau, avand in vedere ca afara sunt -15 grade. Am o relatie foarte proasta cu frigul asa ca nu ma deranjeaza neaparat sa hibernez cat este ger, dar de data asta nu am hibernat voit, ci pentru ca Erica este din nou bolnava. Suspectez o alta enterocolita, a nu stiu cata de cand s-a nascut. Nu am confirmarea doctorului, dar in cei 4 ani si cateva enterocolite la activ, simptomele sunt ca la carte. Tratamentul prescris de doctor este acelasi de fiecare data, asa ca i l-am dat din prima si am asteptat, increzatoare ca isi va reveni rapid. 

A inceput cu usoara febra, scaun moale si dureri de burta, asa ca nu m-am stresat. Am rezolvat febra rapid, ea avea o stare buna, iar scaunele, desi e mult numit “scaun moale”, erau destul de rare. De ieri insa, a inceput sa verse. Iar starea ei buna s-a deteriorat rapid. Si-a petrecut mai toata ziua culcata, ca o papusa moale pe canapea. Nu a mancat nimic pana seara cand a reusit sa manance niste biscuiti simpli sarati. Si ne-am bucurat mult cand o vedeam ca mananca ceva. Insemna ca se simte mai bine. Eri e genul de copil foarte activ, mancacios si slabut. Atata energie consuma repede mancarica asa ca noi nu ne-am luptat niciodata cu mancatul. Nu a durat mult si a varsat tot ce mancase. De doua ori. 

We managed to pass the night without any incidents and only mild stomach pain. I rubbed her tummy about 6-7 times last night when she woke up and told me that it hurts. In the morning we managed to give another dose of rehydration salts (we use SUN-Lyte and we are very satisfied) and after that we struggled to persuade her to eat something. We hardly managed to convince her to eat and basically took her 1 hour to eat half a banana.

Now I’m on the couch next to her and I’m writing this post. This is not how I planned the beginning of this year. I had so many plans for these days, I have a big to do list, lots of ideas and projects that I have to take care of. As always, life happens and everything is put on pause. Nothing hurts more than my child’s suffering, and I say this completely aware of the fact that there are children with more serious problems, aware that in a few days she should be healthy again, thankful that we are not facing bigger problems.

But even so, rationality doesn’t work perfectly when it comes to YOUR child. Nothing hurts more and no matter how simple it may seem to others, for a mom it always seems worse.

Still, I evolved over the years from the panic I was feeling while she was a baby. You should have seen me how I ran to the hospital at her first 38.5 degrees temperature. The first enterocolitis happened when she was 10 months. In the middle of the night, it took us 20 minutes from the moment she threw up until we started driving to the hospital.

Nobody and nothing prepares you for the role of parent. Nothing that someone could tell you before compares with the reality and you cannot imagine what you’ll feel or how you’ll react before you get in this position. Because your heart is no longer just yours. A good part of it is in your baby now…

[RO] Am reusit sa trecem noaptea fara alte incidente si doar cu dureri usoare de burta. I-am masat burtica cam de 6-7 ori azi-noapte  cand se trezea si imi spunea ca o doare. Masam pana adormeam.  Dimineata am reusit sa ii dam o alta doza de saruri de rehidratare (noi folosim SUN-Lyte si suntem foarte multumiti) si dupa ne-am chinuit sa o convingem sa manance ceva. Se speriase cu o seara inainte ca a varsat dupa ce a mancat si azi refuza sa manance de frica. Cu greu am reusit sa o convingem sa manance si practic ne-a luat 1 ora sa manace un sticks si jumatate de banana. 

Acum va scriu de pe canapea, de langa ea. De obicei nu pot sa scriu cand e ea acasa pentru ca nu sta deloc linistita. Acum e linistita, prea linistita  pentru ea. Imi e dor de neliniste. 🙂 Imi facusem planuri pentru inceputul asta de an, am un “to do list” impresionant cu multe idei de articole si o gramada de lucruri despre care as vrea sa va scriu, colectii de facut si multe alte proiecte. Si asa se intampla, ai o multime de planuri, esti entuziasmat sa le incepi si apoi se intampla ceva si totul se pune pe pauza. Nimic nu doare mai mult decat suferinta copilului tau si va spun asta constienta fiind de faptul ca sunt in lume copii cu probleme mult mai grave, constienta de faptul ca ea in cateva zile ar trebui sa fie din nou sanatoasa, recunoscatoare ca nu ne confruntam cu mai rau. Dar chiar si asa, ratiunea nu functioneaza perfect cand e vorba de copilul TAU. Nimic nu doare mai tare si oricat de simplu ar parea pentru altii, pentru tine ca mama pare intotdeauna mai grav. 

Am evoluat totusi de la panica in care intram cand era bebelus. Prima data cand a facut 38,5 am fugit la spital in miezul noptii.  Acum nici nu tresar la 38.5. 🙂 Prima enterocolita a facut-o la 10 luni. Imi venea sa plang. Ne-a luat 20 minute din momentul in care a varsat  si pana cand am pornit masina spre spital in miezul noptii. 

Nimeni si nimic nu te pregateste pentru rolul de mama. Nimic din ce ti-ar putea povesti cineva nu se compara cu realitatea si nu iti poti nicicum imagina ce vei simti sau cum vei reactiona inainte de a ajunge in postura asta. Pentru ca inima ta nu mai e intreaga. O parte din ea e la copilul tau…

Photos: pexels.com

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